Breakdown

Wow.
Just when I think I'm doing well and am maybe getting over this disorder, I get in such a mess that I almost purge in front of my boyfriend.
It was a school disco themed night at university and me and my friends went with Jack and his friends. It was actually such a great night but then as usual I may have had one too many drinks...
It wasn't entirely my fault. Leaving the club a young guy fell and cracked his head off the pavement, knocking him out and making him bleed from his ear.
Immediately I was taken back to just over a year ago, when my mum got drunk again, but this time instead of finding her sleeping sprawled across the kitchen table or hanging off the end of the couch, I found her snoring at the bottom of the stairs.
Fed up, I began shaking her to wake her up, and got angry at her for being so wasted again, thats when I noticed the blood pouring down my arm from her ear.
Phoning the ambulance, I have never been more scared in my life, I thought that was it, I'd lost my mum.
To cut a long story short she had fallen down the stairs, but survived with a fractured skull and perforated eardrum; she is now deaf in one ear although has been told she was lucky that's the only long term damage she suffered since usually when people fracture the part of the skull she did  (between the ear and brain) they are either paralysed down one side, or die.
So seeing this guy bleeding out of his ear on the floor just made it all flood back, and I was alone since a drunken Jack had wandered off.
When he came back and found me we had the biggest argument we've had so far, and embarrassingly in the street.
I don't even know why, I think I was just a bit all over the place and I like having someone to blame.
When we got back to my house I was so worked up I just had to do 'it'.
I went to the bathroom but Jack followed me in and, crying, told me if I was going to do it I would have to do it in front of him.
It was one of the most emotional moments of my life, I had no idea what to do.
I even got as far as kneeling in front of the toilet and lifting the lid before breaking down.
I couldn't do it.
I can't believe I nearly did.
God I'm not as fixed as I thought.